Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Blog This Challenge 69 - Million Dollar Riff... And Then Some

What would you do if you won the big one. Not one million, or even two million, but a division one prize of 52 million dollars? Would you go public, remain anonymous, use it for good of others, or on family only? If all your financial issues were swept away, what would you do with the rest?

You'd think if I set a topic I'd have some idea of the entry, wouldn't you? Ah, well, no. And to make it worse who else but me would end up with this challenge number? Crikey. What a wedger, as we used to say in my rurally misspent youth. Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I chose this one because the little newsagency we frequent near work sold one of the winning two tickets in the 52 million dollar jackpot last year. And to think I didn't go down to grab my usual quickpick 'cause I was running late for school pickup. Hell, I may never have had to do school pickup again... I'd just send James the Chauffeur along with Ingrid the Au Pair to do it! Damn, blast and crap. Ah well, on with my entry for Challenge 69....



Million Dollar Riff

Dear friends and certain family members,
I am saddened to inform you we have absconded from this mundane life. Recently our little family of four humans, two dogs, two cats, one cockatiel and several tropical fish won the big one. Yes, that cool $52 million anonymous winner was us. We just didn't want anyone to know. Especially you cousin Errol, you did your dash when blackmailing your eighty-something year old mother into signing blank cheques for your worthless arse to visit her in the nursing home. Oh, and old friend Sue, you may love Versace and Guess but indulging your champagne tastes whilst the power is cut off is not on. So GUESS what? You ain't getting none either.

We have allocated various amounts to worthy people we care about, your burden will be eased. Those of you will already have received the documentation in the mail. Yes, that anonymous windfall was from us. Only you know who you are and it is a legal requirement that you remain quiet or else the payment ceases. Immediately.This trust fund will divest the annuities on a regular basis for the next ten years, so plan well and enjoy life a little more. We have watched you work damn hard and struggle in these hard economic times, same as we did. You deserve this, believe me, and we are so happy to be able to share a little of our good luck.

As for the other $42 million, not that it is anyone's business, but this is where it has gone:

  • $10 million bursary to support ASD children within a mainstream environment. Aimed at children aged 6 and over. To help the limbo kids - those struggling with little support, and yet unable to access special schools or public funding.
  • $1 million to various charities including Animal Welfare League, Canteen, Lifeline.
  • Debt payoff - $1 million.
  • $5 million to fund in home care support for the aged, Wise Woman would have loved this.
What are we up to? $26 million down? Ah, yes, halfway.

  • We blew $7 million on a private island paradise, think Nekker but better. Eat your heart out Richard Branson.

  • Another $1 million on a yacht. Big Boy always wanted one of these.

  • Invested wisely $10 million to keep an income coming in.
  • Used $2 million for tax advice and avoidance.
  • $7 million to play with as we feel the urge.
Do not attempt to find us, we have made sure our trail cannot be followed. Our financiers have been paid in advance to manage the trusts and bursaries, feel free to lodge all complaints and pleas for hand outs to
don'tgiveashit@richbitchmadmother.com.

Just don't expect a prompt response. Or any, to be honest.

Have a nice life.

Yours invisibly,



P.S. Another round of cocktails please Jeebs. Oh, and rub some more lotion into my shoulders would you Simon... Yes, he is the cabana boy.



2 comments:

Being Me said...

Nice one! PML at your email address.

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

Bahaha! Screw Errol! I think my favourite bit though was actually the tax advice and avoidance - you'll do well as a millionaire!