My son. My second son. The one who was meant to be my easy child (what a terrible burden to subconciously place on a child, I know). Tonight we had a reminder of how fragile he still is at times. I am grateful he was with me. Boy 1 and his father are at the school buddy sleepover. Boy 2 and I were having a well-deserved one on one evening. We should have stayed home. But we didn't. I am so truly grateful he talks to me, opens his heart, puts his life into words. More than that, I am grateful every day to have such a complicated, beautiful, living, breathing blessing in my life.
He was in such a dark place for months last year, I often wondered if we would lose him. Tonight I was taken back to that bleak time, as he was. Anther child at a social function repeatedly called him an idiot. Once upon a time that would not have worried him. After all kids will be kids. But what broke him down was the realisation that these were phrases he once used to a friend, his best friend. In his time of despair he lashed out, driving away those who cared. Logically he knew he had done this but tonight obviously hit home how it ACTUALLY feels to be on the receiving end. How much those words as weapons had injured his friend, and the relationship.
He broke. His words to me were: "He is right, that boy is right, I must be an idiot to have hurt my friend like that." Big revelation to an emotionally frail young man.
And so I AM grateful. Grateful he can see how words hurt, grateful he understands emotions at eleven years of age, grateful he is here.
We left the party, have come home and are about to watch a warped comedy. Together. I will leave you with his words:
"I love tears Mum, they let me know I am still a human." And for that I am very grateful.
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