Friday, March 18, 2011

Tonight I am Grateful for:

My son. My second son. The one who was meant to be my easy child (what a terrible burden to subconciously place on a child, I know). Tonight we had a reminder of how fragile he still is at times. I am grateful he was with me. Boy 1 and his father are at the school buddy sleepover. Boy 2 and I were having a well-deserved one on one evening. We should have stayed home. But we didn't. I am so truly grateful he talks to me, opens his heart, puts his life into words. More than that, I am grateful every day to have such a complicated, beautiful, living, breathing blessing in my life.



He was in such a dark place for months last year, I often wondered if we would lose him. Tonight I was taken back to that bleak time, as he was. Anther child at a social function repeatedly called him an idiot. Once upon a time that would not have worried him. After all kids will be kids. But what broke him down was the realisation that these were phrases he once used to a friend, his best friend. In his time of despair he lashed out, driving away those who cared. Logically he knew he had done this but tonight obviously hit home how it ACTUALLY feels to be on the receiving end. How much those words as weapons had injured his friend, and the relationship.

He broke. His words to me were: "He is right, that boy is right, I must be an idiot to have hurt my friend like that." Big revelation to an emotionally frail young man.

And so I AM grateful. Grateful he can see how words hurt, grateful he understands emotions at eleven years of age, grateful he is here.

We left the party, have come home and are about to watch a warped comedy. Together. I will leave you with his words:


"I love tears Mum, they let me know I am still a human." And for that I am very grateful.






14 comments:

Posie Patchwork said...

Wow, that is so huge, good on him for his new self discovery. I'm enjoying cuddles & that my children talk to me tonight too. A high schooler, who shares everything, i'm pretty thrilled & never want it to stop. Love Posie

Torkona said...

Cool. i can see this little fella growing up to be very artistic, or at least expressive. Reminds me of a guy I once knew...

Kelly L said...

Your post touched me - Have a close relationship with a mother and her autistic child - the trials that she and he go through are numerous...
I've Become My Mother
Kelly's Ideas
Amazing Salvation

Sarah said...

That is beautiful.

Knicky Knacks said...

Beautiful post. Children are so fragile at times. our eldest had a melt down last night and I wish I had handled it better. Children are also so forgiving so I get a second chance at managing it with less emotion next time! Enjoy your weekend.

Maxabella said...

Oh that darling boy. What a huge thinker he is. x

E. said...

What an experience for Boy 2. I hope you both enjoyed your movie and time together.

Ruby Star said...

Growing up cam be so tough at times and also confusing. Glad to see your son has managed to make some sence of his situation. enjoy your weekend.

Leanne said...

OMG, I am in tears reading that last phrase. That is spot on. Geez, that is one smart kid. Honestly ... that is priceless. Thanks for sharing MM

Lauren said...

wow, what a light bulb moment for him. thanks for sharing something so special and personal. x

kasiabear said...

Beautiful post..

Romina Garcia said...

Such a beautiful post. Made me so teary.
Children never cease to amaze me. What wonderful, wonderful, creatures they are.
We can learn a lot from them.
xx

Ratz said...

This is such a beautiful post. I was in tears reading this. That line... dear dear... children are so sensitive. and they teach us so many things.

Madmother said...

He is my light, my love, my mini me. I worry so much over him at the moment, and yet I am filled with pride.

It was only in a school meeting last week that it was driven home to me how unusual his self awareness is for his age. I guess because Boy 1 is also so in tune with his inner self I take it for granted.