Sunday, January 29, 2012

So Apt.

A lovely friend of mine e-mailed this to me today. Very, very appropriate considering the last week and last post. I am still at the point where praying for them might be stretching it a bit, but letting such people stew in their own shit is closer. And I certainly won't be digging them out of their own garbage when the rot sets in.

No, I haven't missed the point, 90% of the time I would feel like below, it is just that last 10% I need to work on...

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,
'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So ... Love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Last Post

On this topic anyway.

I keep thinking it is over. Done.

I keep thinking she has finally moved on.

And then, the ugly head is raised again.

Yesterday I had to have a talk with someone. Yesterday I had to once more explain I had not said something she had blamed me for. Yesterday I had to attempt to right a wrong and warn an innocent party to shield themselves from the poison.

Once upon a time I would have shuffled past, head bowed, unable to look the other in the eye. At the worst of the bullshit, when it was still only me, I would have kept my mouth shut, locked in my own bizarre world where my word was my code and I vowed not to stoop to her level.
But this time, instead of being angry and feeling persecuted, I am merely disgusted.Now I see silence is not being honourable, it is not letting others to make an informed decision. So I am silent no more. When (as I was three days ago), I am told of her attacks and lies I now seek out the person the poison has been poured out to, and tell my side. I have given up any hope of her admitting her words and actions, and in a twisted way, count my blessings her mouth blabbed so much, and that she spoke those horrific words to so many. For now it is not my word against hers, it is mine and J's and M's and Big Boy's (which surprisingly, I only discovered yesterday that she had said this particular nasty jibe in person to...) and many others.

It is sad that this continues, it is really nasty that others are still being fed this absolute garbage. And it has reached the point where action has to be taken. Some suggest mediation, but my issue with this is she would refuse to attend. My husband wants us to take the legal path, as people are willing to make statements, support us, tell the truth of what has been said to them. It is slander, plain and simple. And we can prove the fiduciary cost.

I honestly have not decided where to from here. Is it merely making a very sick woman's life intolerable? Will it make her stop, for she is not sensible or logical or even, in my opinion, very smart. To continue this behaviour for 2 & 1/2 years... that is not the act of an intelligent woman. Especially when her actions have now cost her so very many friends. All due to her own actions. And will continue to do so, for it is a very obvious pattern.

New person introduced.
New person moved to BFF status.
Turn on old BFF.

This lady I had to speak to was the first one I witnessed this cycle with, I was the new BFF. This genteel, softly spoken woman was wooed back AFTER everything fell apart for the nasty one. When so many had walked away as the scales fell from their eyes. When the liar looked around and saw so few. She is far more forgiving than I, or maybe just unaware of how toxic the words  bandied about were. Words aimed at her family, not just herself.

After I walked away from our discussion, I knew there was so much more I could have told her, and probably much I was not clear on. I worried that I didn't explain myself enough, that I hadn't clarified things I should have.

And then I realised, I had told her my truth, I had given her my version of the words I was accused of, and could do no more. And if she chose to risk herself and her family by maintaining the relationship, then that was not my business. Her battle, is not my battle. And I had done all I could by being honest and speaking to her as soon as I was aware of the lies.

Now is the time to let it be, for I have said my piece. Until the next shard of poison pierces another...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Hyperventilation - The New Coping Mechanism

Yes, I have been off the radar AGAIN.

Yes, I know this poor blog languishes untouched.

But I have rather a lot on my plate right now.

We have until January 31st to be completely out of our shop. That means packing stock, files, fitout and anything else not nailed down and moving it into our storage shed on our property. Which is an hour from our shop.

I am listing madly on eBay only to have some idiot buy one of the expensive display cabinets (one of five) but not win any others thus "he doesn't want it" and becomes abusive when it becomes an issue for me.

And tomorrow... tomorrow... is Boy 1's first day of High School.

Hard for any child. Especially hard for a child on the spectrum.

We feel it is the right choice. A small private school (capped at 225) which caters to the individual, encourages success socially and academically, sets the bar higher but not out of reach.

BUT... it is a totally new environment.

"I am nervous" he tells us.

"I am excited" he tells others.

The truth is somewhere in between.

I am hoping that he is okay, that he is just nervous, not on the verge of meltdowns or terrified. It is so hard to gauge the degree to which this nervousness will affect him. It is so easy for him to lose his grip on his emotions with such a major change.

We have done all we can to facilitate this move, have prepared as much as possible - both him and the school.

His two best friends are not here, they both are going to the public school. This is part of what worries me. How will they see him? Will they get past the differences and see the wonderful person he is? Or will he be alone, no-one to talk too?

He pulls into himself when he is scared, will anyone try to bring him back out?

And to top it off, the one child who has continually mocked and bullied my son is going to be at this school, but I can only hope the school is onto it (which they tell me they are, for of 4 boys attending 3 mothers have been in to request this child NOT be in the same class... says it all really). To be honest, I hope this new start turns this boy around. If it does not then I have been assured he will be gone, removed from this school community. But what damage he could do in the meantime...

But now I must concentrate on my child, not what ifs.

And try to pretend I am not terrified and on the verge of meltdown.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"What ARE You Doing" Autism Awareness Film

This is an e-mail I received today:

Autism Awareness Australia is proud to announce a special premiere screening of our short documentary film, “What are you doing?”, at Parliament House in Canberra on Tuesday 28th February 2012.
The evening will be hosted by television personality and narrator of the film Tom Gleisner, and is sponsored by the Parliamentary Secretary for Disabilities and Carers, Senator the Hon. Jan McLucas.

We have invited all of Australia’s sitting MP’s and Senators to the screening in the Parliament House Theatrette - this is where we need your help!

All of Australia’s Federal Politicians will be in Canberra that evening and we want to encourage as many of them to attend as possible. We are asking the autism community, families and supporters across the nation to contact their own local member and urge them to come along to this important and educational film.
So it is time to ‘get your members out!’ for an opportunity to educate them more about autism and how if affects families across Australia.
Here's how you can help!
Contact your local member and Senator. You can find their contact details below

Find your local member

Find your Senator

Send them an email, call, fax or write a letter requesting they attend our special premiere. Share your personal experiences with them and urge them to take the time to learn more about ASD and the impact it has on our nation.
Let us know the action you've taken and the response you receive!
Help Autism Awareness Australia and ‘get your members out!’ to our special film premiere at Parliament House, Canberra. Check out our Facebook page for the latest updates and RSVP's!
Thanks for your support!
The Team at Autism Awareness Australia

Please, take, share, contact YOUR politicians.

Here is my plea to the representatives of our electorate... (And yes, I have linked to you, I just hope you take the time to read a little).

I have a son. A glorious, tall, handsome, strapping son. A son about to turn fourteen. My oldest son (the first of two). If you met him you would be impressed by his warmth, knowledge, friendliness and his quirky intelligence. If you met him it would not take long to realise he is a little different. My son has Autism Spectrum Disorder, in his case, Asperger Syndrome (AS).
If you are interested, THIS will tell you more, though it is a little long. It was written in the dark depths, when things were so hard, and the future uncertain.
Boy 1 2003

The young man of today is very different to the child of yesterday, he reads Deepak Chopra, dreams of being a motivational speaker, mentors younger children on the spectrum. He has written a children's book for those with Asperger Syndrome because (in his words in a letter to a publisher):
I want the reader to feel how I feel about Asperger Syndrome, that it is just a new kind of normal and people with it are just as important as everyone else. Difference is a good thing in my perspective.

Boy 1 December 2011

He likes himself, is confident in his own skin. But without help and intervention his story could... would have been so very different.

Please, if you possibly can, attend the screening of "What are You Doing" at Parliament House on Tuesday 28th of Feb. It may give you an idea of the world that is ours. And with knowledge and support, then the possibilities are endless.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Uberkate - How You Warm My Heart.

I wear a gorgeous pendant around my neck, the silver pendant swinging to and fro across my chest.

People comment all the time, reach forth, grab, feel, gasp at the weight and the beauty of it.

They read the inscription - one word - Madmother. And every time they ask me about it I tell them, this is my link to one of my cyber friends. This beautiful piece was a gift from the universe made possible by my wonderful friend Kristin, otherwise known as Wanderlust.

And each time I place this around my neck, I think of her and send her a telepathic message across the miles... "How are ya doin' today, my friend?"

I don't know if she hears it, but I hope in her heart she feels another someone added to the list of people who send good thoughts.

Thanks again K, I love it and wear it often... and always think of you when I do.

This is my weekend grateful - the last at Maxabella, another who warms this icy, stone heart of

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Huge Can of Worms...

Would you?

If you were diagnosed with cancer?

Would you opt for traditional treatment?



Because I don't know that I would.

I have seen too much pain.

Watched the total loss of quality of life.

And then...

Watched them die anyway.

I think I would choose to have the time left be of some quality, not to endure incredible pain and suffering so much earlier. Not to be in a morphine fog for the remainder of my life. Not to be removed from my family by a haze of vicious poisons that remove your very essence leaving a hollow shell.

For this is what I have seen, this is what those I loved lived and then died. This is what I feel. Me. My personal choice.


Friday, January 6, 2012

Time for a Turn Around!

Gah, I have let the emotions of the last month overrun this blog. No more!

Time for some "awwwwwwwwwh" posts.

My oldest son graduated Grade 7 last year. Yes, here in the sunny state of Oz we hold a little graduation from Primary (middle) school. It was a glorious venue, and a wonderful night.

But more than anything, my eyes shone and my heart burst with pride at my tall, relaxed, happy, articulate son.

Who would have thought that anxious little boy would grow into such a fantastic young man? Okay, okay... we did, but not many others had the vision to see past the influences of the spectrum into his mind and heart.

They even did a dance. And he had a little solo bit on the end. Nervous, hell yes... oh, him? Well, yes, dance is not his forte'. But he pulled it off well.

And now we head to High School, with all the challenges and changes that will bring. Let's hope it is as big a success as these formative years have been!

But seriously... take that you naysayers!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Life Wasn't Meant to be Easy!

So much going on, so many emotions floating around this world.

Grief, conflict, bitterness, bittersweet memories, stress. Mania!

Fingers in too many pies still - madly organising multiple businesses.

I don't like being a grown up.

I don't like having to think of so much.

My head hurts, and not from anything good.

*Sigh*. I thought 2012 was meant to be better?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Hello Reality!

Trying to slowly nudge my way back into the blogosphere.

According to my stats over 100 individuals are still visiting over a 24 hour period. Do me a favour... please leave a comment, even if it is only a "Oh, hai."

I need the shove to get back on board this blogging wagon.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year - Welcome 2012... Are you the last?

Yeah, Happy New Year, yadda, yadda... No really, I do mean it, and yes, I know I am a day late. But let's face it, my blogging has become terribly intermittent nowadays. I just don't feel the constant craving to write as I once did.

The funeral was beautiful, poignant, painful and terribly sad. Watching a four year old and an eight (she turned nine the day after the funeral) year old bury their Mum is just not right. Watching Lisa's mum bury her daughter is just not right.
Lisa 1991

Hearing the wonderful eulogies and seeing the hundreds (yes hundreds) of people that loved her was uplifting... and just not right.

I hear her voice in my head. It is as if I keep rethinking recent conversations then I will not forget what she sounded like.

I certainly was NOT in the mood for the celebrations of New Year's Eve... but as it was at our home I really had no choice in the matter. Fifteen adults and nineteen kids... plus us.

I arrived home late Friday, awoke at 3am Saturday, was exhausted by 6pm... when everybody was due to arrive!

Thought I'd be in bed well before midnight, leaving the revellers in the capable hands of Big Boy.
1/1/12 - 4.30am sunrise over the mountain.

I was the last man standing at 5am. Sober? Yes, but not for lack of trying (thank you Pip for that glorious concoction). And certainly by 3am the solo sober stayer. Everyone else was beyond merry, and we had a group decide at 4am to make use of our couches for the night. Wise decision. And lovely to wake up to the smiling (and groaning) faces of friends on the first day of the year.

Where are the photos? Well, it was such a fantastic night NO-ONE thought to take the time from the partying to take any! A rare occasion, believe me, for this group are the happiest snappers of all. It just goes to show how wonderful a night it was.

So, Happy 2012 one and all. Do you think the Mayan's are right - or even that it has been interpreted the right way? Is this the last NYE we will see?

Well, if it is the last it was a good one! How 'bout yours?